Monday, December 27, 2010

"Love with no object
conversation with no subject
seeing with no image

light on light,
pure possibility"


“Now I am sober and there's only the
hangover and the memory of love .”


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

the gaping wound opened again and the cool rush of infinite space and meaninglessness rushed through me like a wind or a ghost train.
and i think, oh god, am i here again?
... is anything for certain in this world as the floor keeps dropping out beneath me to expose the fine network of stars and far off galaxies and groundlessness beneath my feet?
the clouds are letting go of the rain...
it is time for letting go
pruning back to the bones
what is essential?

--edited from the barefoot yogi

Sunday, December 19, 2010

the undoing...

The doing is in the undoing....
Painting is a type of uncovering, unfolding, emerging discovery...

but as i look at the place where I pull from...
extract my creative power...
it is not undiluted. it is not without fear.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

speaks its own language

the images of the interior pushing into form; the paint speaks its own language.

i surrendered. releasing any attachments i may have harbored, i was willing to go to the extreme if called.

in that giving up of an agenda, the guidance came: fire around the belly! exploring the space, i was a steward for the vision.


Friday, December 17, 2010

old cycles. fresh faces. the speed of my willingness

today was a day going backwards. this body is fresh but holds the past so closely, closer than what is happening now. i realize reality is nothing but a field of old cycles playing out in forms of fresh faces & places, but underneath is a current of familiar, a variation on a theme. the only way out is up.

the first in a series of clearing sessions on the warmest December day. an energetic bath penetrating all directions of time. allowing the impressions & energy to rise, pass. sometimes pain, sometimes tears, sometimes nothing. memories from other lives lifting into my awareness, shocking revelations & insight as to why things are as they be today.

after hours, i felt light, energized. spaces were opened, cleared. ran a bath of baking soda & sea salt. i fell asleep in the overwarm water, limbs folded & twisted womb style as the small candles flickered at the corners of the tub.i felt dizzy, dragged myself to the meditation room & fell asleep again surrounded by angels, plants, rocks. the sensation of cooking off old modes of unforgiveness & resentment, traumas & misperceptions. a tumultuous sleep living though the releases, grateful they are moving from their hiding places, evaporating at the speed of my willingness.


There will come a time when you believe everything is finished.That will be the beginning.

Every artist knows that the masterpieces are usually a struggle. I can't tell you how many times I've walked away from a piece...feeling absolutely no hope for being able 'to save' a painting. No matter how much time I spend pushing doesn't get better. When I was younger I never finished most of the pieces I started. When I started getting large commercial jobs, I no longer had the luxury of leaving half my inventory incomplete.

What I discovered is...
when you walk away and come back...
and keep working it until it works...

it turns out to be one of the most beautiful things...
something you know that you couldn't create alone
something you could not create if you hadn't had the love, determination and resolve
something that only passion and the simple belief that if you keep will all come together.
...and in one moment...
a misplaced
makes it complete.

I have sat in my studio on the floor many times
at the beauty before me.
It's almost always when I give up and just let it paint itself that it unfolds in a beautiful way.

When I get my mind out of the way...
and clear myself
I feel channeled
the art comes through us as a vessel...

it wants to be created on this plane.
it simply wants to be created.

As an artist I resonate with Malidoma's writing+beliefs. I will be heading out to California to drum, dance, connect with fire rituals, heal wounds (personal and family) and open the channels for creativity and possibility.

Nature is like a canvas, a painting of countless options and possibilities. It is the total of all the interwoven connections between these possibilities that makes up spirit. Or, you might say that spirit paints the canvas of nature. You don't really worship spirit, because you are also spirit, and spirits don't worship one another. What makes you different from spirit overall is that you are locked into temporality. You have a body, like a piece of cloth that is decayable. While you stay in it, it's hard for you to have the same abilities that spirit has without a body. It is also easy to make mistakes about what is real, and how to go about things effectively. For example, let's say that you want a particular job. In the West, you do the linear thing and apply to the person in charge. In Africa they say that if you want a job, go demand it, then let the job come and get you.

Malidoma Some...via John R. Founder of Nutiva

Saturday, December 11, 2010


Integrating. Embodying. Activating. Awareness

Friday, December 10, 2010


Beautiful things come...
from messes
and mistakes.


still running from yourself...
and all that you own
is packed in the hall to go...
--glen hansard

the path

there is just a note that you've gone...

this deep sadness carves...rivers in the soul